Lucy Goosey UPDATED

Little Girl, Powder Monkey

21.6.06
Lucy is too little to be a pirate. She can almost stand up on her own and she knows a few words, like "Daddy", "Doggie", and "Good Girl", but isn't really a good pirate. She is, however, very cute and it's fun to watch her eat. She gives lots of hugs and cuddles and she claps her hands a lot. She is a beautiful little girl.

3.10.06
While still too small to serve at sea, Lucy has contributed to the family's quest for ill-gotten gain. In addition to learning to eat and to talk a little, she has become a world renowned opera singer. She has been asked to sing for the King of New Andalucia, the Sheik of Jedera, and the Duchess of Drakenburg. Not only did her performances spell-bind the audience, they provided the perfect distraction while her parents and older sister liberated specific items from these nations treasuries. Although she insists on sitting on the potty, she has not yet discerned its purpose. She still gives wonderful hugs.

Dr. Bones

Ship's Surgeon, Wrestling Coach

Dr. Bones was able to complete medical school by committing 10 years of service to the U.S. Army. In that capacity he was assigned to Teddy Roosevelt's Rough Riders and was present at the Battle of San Juan Hill in Cuba during the Spanish-American War. After the battle Roosevelt awarded David a special Commendation for Bravery for the "gallant manner in which he risked his own life to save those of his fellow-soldier. Undoubtedly" continued the future president, "our victory in this battle rests squarely on the noble shoulders of this fine physician." This good relationship with Roosevelt was soured when David's behaviour became too rowdy for even the Rough Riders. David was asked to resign his post. This setback seems not to have bothered David. One suspects that he actually planned it in order to escape the watchful eye of his commanders so that he could wander the island nation secretly. Either way, when he finally left Cuba in a homemade boat, he carried with him a warrent for his arrest and such a quantity of Spanish Gold that the Cuban economy has never fully recovered. He returned home and joined the family business of treasure hunting and piracy.

He has since married and fathered a son. In order to provide a more suitable lifestyle for his family, he has returned to medical practice at the Big Hospital in Happy Valley. This does not seem to have dampened his affinity for piracy.

Sadie

Gold Sniffing Dog

Sadie's career began in Vermont where she was part of a program aimed at training dogs to find skiers who had been buried by avalanches. Although her olfactory capabilities rated highly on the Jenson Dog Nose Scale, she was unable to perform well in search and rescue simulations. Her trainers decided to expel her from the program and give her up for adoption. While vacationing in Vermont, Jon, Debbi, Mary, and Lucy visited the Von Trapp Family Ski Lodge, where Sadie was waiting for someone to adopt her. Debbi immediately recognized the dog's capability. After speaking with the search and rescue trainers, she employed a few drills and training exercises of her own. She quickly realized that Sadie was a Gold Sniffing dog. Of course, she was quickly adopted and taken to Kansas.

As a new member of the pirate crew, and one still undergoing training, Sadie has yet to prove her value on a treasure hunt.

Hibachi

Ship's Surgeon, Alpinist

Paul was encarcerated at a young age in the Cat Canyon Penitentiary for Heinous Criminals. The details of the provocation for this emprisonment have been lost in the long list of his other crimes, but it involved the annual tax revenue of Jamaica, several 60 gallon tubs of playdoe, 250 yards of strong twine, and the Governer's young daughter Belle. After serving only 4 years of his 18 life sentences Belle effected his escape. She won the confidence of the guards by appearing in the guise of a nun intent on bringing salvation to the condemned. While the other prisoners were given only a portion of the "good news", Paul received two loaded pistols and ,most importantly, a dark robe. None of the guards noticed that the nun who entered the prison alone left with a monk.

After escaping, Paul and Belle survived as wandering Gypsies in Europe. They learned to dance, tell fortunes, and steal chickens (as well as, one assumes, articles of greater value). Eventually they made their way to the homestead of Grandpa Pirate and Bloody Mary in the southwestern deserts of the United States. They were incorporated into the Family Treasure Hunters, the respectably named group that performs the family's treasure hunting and piracy activities. In order to avoid re-capture, Paul fled to the Caribbean where, using a false identity, he was able to complete medical school.

Captain Ethan

Pirate Captain, Powder Monkey

Despite Captain Ethan's young age, he has already led three successful treasure expeditions: (1) the discovery of Garffo the Pirate's treasure in the Schofield Island Adventure, (2) the uncovering of the Conquistador Treasure buried by Diego Ladron de Vega in the Penguin Cave Adventure, and (3) the unearthing of gold in the Black Dragon Adventure. His success stems, in part, from his natural leadership abilities and his excellent education at the Youngsters School of Piracy located on Tortuga Island. Following his formal piratical training, young Ethan was apprenticed to the famous Captain Morgan. During this apprenticeship, Ethan played a crucial role in the raiding of Panama City. Aside from an excessive tendency toward pillaging, looting, and general lawlessness, Ethan displays the characteristics of a well-adjusted, healthy young boy. He enjoys swimming, playing with his brother and neighbors, and helping his mother in the kitchen.

When not leading treasure expeditions, Ethan continues his non-piratical education at Sunset View Elementary School.

Squinty-Eyed Laura

Pirate Missionary

Laura was recruited to the CIA during ninth grade. Her adventurous nature and research acumen made her an invaluable member of the "Company's" Artifact, Ruins, and Treasure (ART) unit. When she was promoted to head of the department she completed intensive training with Britain's MI-6 where she provided back-up and research support to the famed Double-O operatives. During a routine operation in Prague, Laura "disappeared", using one of her many underworld connections. Free from the CIA, she is now studying International Relations at the Harvard of the West in order to facilitate treasure hunts in foreign countries and to manage the system of off-shore banks and dummy corporations that we use to store our treasure.

Laura has recently returned from a leave-of-absence. She was in San Antonio, Texas recruiting pirate membership. Sources indicate her second mission was to scout sites along the Mexican border through which Spanish gold could be transported from Latin America, effectively avoiding the involvement of the US government. The quantity of Hispanic gold disappearing from strong houses south of the border indicates she was successful.

Muddy Mary

Dangerous Princess Dancing Girl
Powder Monkey

There are only two critical pieces of clothing in Mary's wardrobe: her pink Disney princess night gown and her black tap shoes. These, together with a crate of bananas, a few oranges, and some chocolate, are all that are needed to sustain her happiness. Her contribution to the crew include cuteness, hugs, little dances, and excitement about nearly everything--especially bugs.

Bloody Mary

Ship's Carpenter, Oracle

Tracing Bloody Mary's history is difficult. We know that she left the southeastern deserts to attend the Golden Spike ceremony in Promintory Point where she met Pirate Grandpa, whom she later married. Previous to this, however, her story is clouded. Was she born human or coyote? Was she a were-coyote since birth or was this an aquired ability? The earliest record of her, and the only clues we have regarding her early life, are scattered newspaper stories of destructive chicken coop raids that could not be prevented with even the most sophisticated locks. These reports come from communities as far south as Santa Fe, New Mexico and as far north as Jackson, Wyoming, although they seem to center around a small community in southeastern Utah. Her nickname, Bloody Mary, was first given her by upset frontiersmen who had lost their chickens.

After marrying Grandpa Pirate, it seems she settled into a more human existance. Her ability as a fortune teller and oracle have been an invaluable asset to the family's treasure hunts.

Pirate Grandpa

Commander, Cavalry Regiment

Grandpa travelled to the USA from the old country in order to make his fortune in the California Gold Rush. After several years of panning for gold, which substancially increased the family fortune, he accepted employment as a federal animal control officer. His status as a Magician Merlin Class proved useful since his primary responsibility was rounding up dangerous fire-breathing Oriental Dragons that had followed Chinese railroad workers into the United States. He still carries the scar of a poisonous bite from a Crimson Manchurian Worm on his upper arm. It was while attending the Golden Spike ceremony in Promintory Point, Utah in 1869 that Grandpa met the oracular were-coyote Mary Louise who would later become his wife.

Grandpa uses his secret identity as a veterinarian to cover his more nefarious double-life as a treasure hunter and amateur astrologer.